Posted in friendship, poetry

The Battle

Sunrise.
A call to arms,
Telling you
its time
to pick up your sword
and don your armour.

Your hands are tired,
your grip weak,
your armour
a crushing weight
laden with grief
and fear
and uncertainty.
You’re gasping for air,
but
still
can’t
breathe.

The drumbeats
echo
the voices
of inner demons,
so loud,
so persistent,
you’re not good enough,
and you never will be.
They drown out
your weak attempts to
sound
a battle cry.

The melee starts
You’re on your own,
Drowning
darkness
all around
hands pulling you down
into a sea of memories.
But somehow
you get by
live
to fight
another day.

Sunset.
A hollow victory.
Tomorrow
it starts
all over again
the pretence,
the conscious effort
to be okay.
When can you lay down
your armour
and rest?

And so it goes,
the days blend
into nights
endless battles
blurring into one.
An endless cycle
of narrow wins
that
somehow feel like
defeat.

Then one day
you open your eyes
to
pink and purple skies
and in your head
you hear only
silence.
Your grip is tight
The armour rests
easy
on your shoulders,
and you can breathe again.

You find your voice,
You sound
a battle cry,
And there’s an answer.
There
beside you
are your people
the family you chose.
With spears
and shields
they tell you,
You don’t have to go
at it alone.

Let us carry your sword
even for
just
a second.
And when
you’re strong enough
to take it up again
Into the breach
we’ll fall
stronger
with each
thundering step,
certain
that
no matter how
this ends,

You’ve already won
the sweetest
victory
of all.

Posted in dating, poetry, relationships, women

Table For One

“Can I help you madam?”
the server asks
as she steps
through
the automatic doors.

As if a single beam
of stage-light
has shone
on
the vacant space
by her side,
she starts
to sweat,
self-conscious,
wary
of being judged
by this stranger.

This used to be easy,
something to aspire to,
a defiant gesture
in the face of
society’s expectations.
A bold statement,
I am
a
strong
independent
woman.

I don’t need a man
to share my meals with.
I have
a perfectly
working
digestive system,
thank you very much.

Now,
it felt like there was
a ticking clock
over her head
telling the world:
“This woman
has reached
the limits
of her best-before date.”

“Madam,”
the server persists.
“Do you have a
reservation?”
She shakes her head.
“That’s alright,” he says,
“Would you like
a table
for two?”

He asks this
as if it were a given,
as if it were the norm,
and it probably was,
and she was the odd one.
But godammit,
she just wanted to have
some kimchi pancakes.

Taking a deep breath,
she held her head high
and said,
“No.
Table for one.”
And she looked him in the eye,
daring him
to judge.

Posted in poetry, relationships

The Seat

Today,
I saved you a seat.
And watched
with bated breath,
as you came in.
Late,
as usual.

You catch my eye
And I wonder
what you see
in the seconds
it takes
to get from the door
to the seat next to mine.

Do you see
The hope,
warring with fear
and the dawning realisation
that you are the tide,
ebbing further and further
with each return.

You are the minutes
and seconds
of every day,
slipping through my fingers.
I cling to the light,
but the sunset always comes.

In your eyes,
I see restraint
a constant push
and pull
toeing the line
between leading me on
and breaking my heart.

Is today that day?
I want to break out of my skin
the moment
feels infinite.
Can you walk a little faster,
Please?

Finally,
You reach the seat
You pause,
breathe in
and sat.
I breathe out,
Relieved.

A reprieve
A stay of execution
And tomorrow
This dance
starts
all over again.

Posted in poetry

My First Go at Poetry: “Summer”

Crystal blue waters,
warm
as the cocoon
of the blanket fort you hid under
when the world got loud.

Bruised skies,
Pinpricks on your skin,
Smoky sweetness
On your tongue,

from those wine-soaked nights,
and careless kisses.

Past memories,
of burnished places,
and sepia days.

Will they fill
the empty spaces
of nights spent
in the pale
silver landscape

Of cold winters
Alone
An endless
ceaseless present.

Driving,
Future untold.

Through melting grey highways,
In the rearview mirror
looking back.

Behind,
A crossroad.
On one side,
the road not taken
glistening.

On the other.
the random collision
of fate and chance
that has brought you here.

Will you see only what could,
Or will you drive on,

Resolute
With the certainty that what is
is better than what might have been?