Posted in Lifestyle, london, Music, Reviews

A Love Letter to Music and Intimate Concert Venues

I recently went to an intimate concert at the O2 Academy in Brixton and I just have to write about what a great venue it was and how awesome small venues are in general. Granted, it was a Killers concert so I would have had a great time regardless of where it was held. But really, I found it amazing that a band who had sold out arenas like Wembley can also choose to have a gig in a comparatively small venue.

This isn’t the first time I’ve attended gigs like these. In the past couple of years, I’ve bought tickets to watch underrated artists who may not sell out big venues but whom I really really like, maybe because I listened to their music repeatedly while I was growing up. Like Vonda Shepard for example, who rose to fame while playing songs on the hit show Ally McBeal.

I remember I used to “borrow” (and I use this term loosely) CDs from my uncle Tony’s extensive collection and hers was one of the albums that I would take up with me to my room. I was a very emotional and angsty teenager and I spent quite a lot of time in my room agonising over my teenage crushes and Vonda’s songs were (and still are) the perfect accompaniment to that. I dare any woman from my generation to tell me they didn’t cry their heart out to Baby Don’t You Break My Heart Slow.

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I saw Vonda at Bush Hall, Sheperd’s Bush last year. When my sister and I were queuing up for this show, I was half afraid that we were being scammed because from the outside the place did not look like any concert venue I’ve ever been to before. There wasn’t even a proper entryway, just a tiny door that resembled the stage door that theatre performers go in and out of. But you should never judge a book by its cover I guess because the inside was absolutely beautiful. This hall looked more like it was used for wedding receptions and parties rather than concerts. It was awesome. And at 26£ per ticket, it was a freakin’ steal! 
Anyway, here are some of the other reasons why small venues are A-awesome:

You don’t need to queue for an entire day just to get a good view

So the last time I went to see The Killers at Hyde Park, I queued at 6am, had an egg mcmuffin at around 10 and nothing else thereafter, had small sips of water throughout the day so that I wouldn’t have to go to the toilet for the next 12 hours and eventually I got to see Brandon and co. at around 9pm. The reason I did all that is because I am only just over 5 feet on a good day and I wanted a good view of the band for my first Killers concert. So I was right up the front during the show but it came at the price of my sanity.

For their concert at Brixton, I came at 7 after having had a good pub dinner and a couple of rounds of drinks, bought another round of drinks at the actual venue before eventually grabbing a spot and still managed to have a good view of the band. O2 Brixton also has an amazing sloping floor so even if you’re at the back and vertically challenged like me, you’ll still be able to see Brandon Mr. Brightside Flowers. 

If you do make the effort to come early, the view is spectacular

The Apple Music Festival is held annually at The Roundhouse, another intimate venue. I’ve been lucky enough that even though I’ve never won any tickets for that festival (you can’t buy tickets, you have to enter a lottery because its completely free), I’ve had at least one friend win tickets 3 years in a row and they’ve taken me along as their plus one. I’ve seen Robin Thicke, Avicii, Little Mix and the last One Direction concert before the band broke up. I queued up pretty early for 1D because I am a not-so-closet directioner and as a result I got to see them up close. I had to battle it out with what seemed like hundreds of tweens though; at one point I thought a stampede would break out! I never want to go through it again, but it was still a great experience.

The acoustics are awesome

Because its such a small venue, the sound is kind of contained and so to me the acoustics sounded so much better than it does in the bigger venues.

 

You feel one with the crowd and with the artist

Gavin Degraw is one of those underrated artists who should be more famous than they are. His songs got me through college. One song in particular has special meaning to me and is the reason why I bought tickets to see him perform TWICE  in one year, both times at the O2 Forum in Kentish Town. The first time I saw him live, More Than Anyone was not on the setlist and I was crushed. I was determined to keep watching him until he played it. And when he did, I really truly felt like he was singing it just  for me.


 

Absolutely beautiful. Thousands of people all singing along to my favourite song. I do love it when artists do sing-alongs during concerts. I saw Kodaline at Hammersmith Apollo and they asked the crowd to sing along to The One, which is actually the one song of theirs that I know the words to. I love the lyrics to this song. 

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I think for most artists, having people sing along to your songs is a form of validation. I mean, take The Killers for example. Every time they play Mr. Brightside, Brandon hardly needs to sing because the audience does it for him:


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I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, hearing Mr. Brightside live is akin to a religous experience. Lol

In some cases, you pay peanuts for the tickets.

The Killers tickets were a bit pricey at 68£ but most of the tickets for the shows I’ve seen hardly ever go over 30£. If you’re a music lover like me, that’s nothing. Also, when I’m watching lesser known artists, not only are the tickets cheaper but there’s also a guarantee that everyone who’s there are true fans which makes for a better experience.

So yeah, I’m sure arena concerts and festivals are awesome in their own way and they’ll have an entirely different atmosphere because of the huge crowds and the number of other activities that you can do. But I personally am spoiled for life after having been to shows like these. Although I wouldn’t turn my nose up if someone were to offer me, say, free Glastonbury tickets. I just want to celebrate music and all joys that come with it. 

Posted in Lifestyle, Music, relationships

Haters Gonna HateHateHateHateHate: Why I Really REALLY Like – And Relate To – Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift releases a new single and its big news on the internet. Sure, some of the reactions were negative but they were reactions nonetheless. Even though people criticised the song “Look What You Made Me Do” the fact remains that they listened and took the time to react to it. They say the opposite of love is indifference so we must all love Taylor Swift, because love her or hate her, you just can’t ignore her.

Like Tay-Tay, I often feel the need to take on all my haters. And for some reason I also have quite a lot of Kanye’s and Katy Perry’s in my life. People who insist on portaying my character in a certain way; people who just can’t leave me alone. And for some stupid reason, I always get affected by what these people say even though really, in the grand scheme of things, I never really gave a f**k about their opinion until I heard all the s**t they’ve been saying about me. And when finally confronted about their behaviour, these master manipulators find a way to turn the tables on you and make it seem like you were in the wrong. They even have the nerve to cite “evidence”. They twist your words to their own nefarious purpose.

Like Tay-Tay, I find it hard to keep a low profile. I know she’s trying to do that by erasing all her previous social media posts but believe me, she won’t be able to help herself because I think just like me, she will always feel the need to defend herself. She also cares far too much about how she’s viewed by the general public. It doesn’t matter how many times people tell us you can’t please everyone. People-pleasing is a DISEASE, its an ADDICTION and I would like to check into rehab please. I feel like every time she speaks up, I get validation that I’m not alone in this world. Lol. That sounded way too creepy. Maybe what I’m trying to say is that it makes me feel better, when dealing with my own detractors, to know that at least its not as bad as what Taylor Swift must be dealing with and like her, I can channel all that hate into creative energy. Like writing. 



After a disastrous week, this new Taylor Swift single could not have come at a more auspicious time. Its the lead single to her new album ‘Reputation‘ and I for one am really looking forward to listening to that album. I will now have something besides ‘Shake It Off‘ to play when someone throws shade at me. You go, Taylor. Keep doing you. Just like you said in one of your songs:



I am officially putting a period to this week; all this hating and all this drama. So much negative energy is not good for my stress-eating. People, let us all take this opportunity to shake it off. Happy Friday!

Xx

Posted in london, Music

The day I became a willing Victim: The Killers at BST Hyde Park 2017

Disclaimer: major fangirling ahead.

You reach a certain age where its just ridiculous to queue up early and wait 12 hours for a band to come on, boiling and sweltering underneath the unusually blistering London sunshine, no food, minimal water due to fear of peeing and losing your spot…I am delighted to say that I have not reach that age yet. At least, not when it comes to The Killers.

The only birthday present I asked from my sister and pseudo-sister was that they queue up with me at 7am so that we can be first in line when The Killers headline BST Hyde Park. And bless their heart, they were there with me right from the start, and they weren’t even as big a fan as I was. All they asked for in return was a Sausage McMuffin from McDonald’s. We came prepared with fully charged phones (on airplane mode), powerbanks, Kindles, playing cards and anything we can think off to pass the time. I even bought a super cool chair from Amazon that looked like an ordinary picnic mat but actually has like a stand so that its like an improvised beach chair.

I bought the chair for my friend Katie, the coolest mum-to-be I know. Almost 6 months pregnant and she was willing to try and make it through the day and watch The Killers with me. She was sensible about it, she did her research and did everything possible to enjoy while keeping the baby’s safety a priority. She never complained about the discomfort, although I’m sure she must have been worried. I know I was quite anxious. Especially since to my everlasting surprise, we managed to nab the best spot in the world right up front, leaning against the barrier with no hindrance to our view of the stage.

Katie, Cat and Me. 😘
My sister Arlene, my adopted sister Romelyn, me Cat and Katie
Best spot in the house!
Calmly reading her Kindle while waiting for The Killers. #pregnancygoals

I have to say I’m so happy to share this with not only my sisters but also two of my closest friends, Katie and Caterina. Cat has seen them in Milan and from the start, she offered to go somewhere safe with Katie if the crowd gets too much because she said I deserved to be up front enjoying myself. She wouldn’t even allow me to feel guilty about it. Do I have the coolest friends or what? Spoiler: we made it through the entire show through sheer will, determination and by working together. BEST SEATS IN THE HOUSE.

And the wait was worth it.

From the start of the set, The Killers electrified a crowd of 65,000 who had waited the whole day to see them. I’ve been to concerts like these before but I have never felt such engagement from the crowd. Most of them knew every word of the lyrics, and almost everyone could belt out a well-known line. The Killers knew what their fans wanted and they delivered hit after hit after hit. It was a setlist designed to please the fans rather than to promote an album, and it was awesome. 

And Mr. Flowers? Well he was the consummate showman. Strutting out with a pink leather jacket, well, the lyrics says it all: ladies and gentlemen, you’re looking at The Man. But apart from the strut, the swagger, the charisma and that voice, it was also plain as day that he was so damn happy to be there.

Ive got news for you baby, you’re looking at the man.
I don’t mind if you don’t mind, cause I don’t shine if you don’t shine
When every one’s lost, the battle is won with all these things that I’ve done.
He admitted that Read My Mind was his favourite part of the night, got the crowd through the rousing chorus of ‘I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier’ and embodied Mr Brightside during the night’s final song. You know you’ve achieved something when you don’t have to sing the lyrics of your band’s signature song because the crowd is doing it for you.

It was awesome. I have never wished so badly for the night to go on forever but all good things must come to an end. But I have enough memories to last me a lifetime. I am now and forever will be a Victim. Thank you Brandon, thank you Killers, you were worth the wait. 

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Posted in Filipino, Music, relationships, Reviews

Getting back to my roots (while listening to Original Pilipino Music)…

I have these moments where I feel a little bit homesick for all things Filipino. During lunch today one of my colleagues brought food that just reminded me of home; someone else was asking me about the best places to visit in Cebu, where I’m from. Yesterday, my boss showed me 2 one-hundred peso bills that someone from Victoria gave her when she was trying to collect money for charity (huh???!!!). I keep getting these little reminders of home, and isn’t it funny how I still think of the Philippines as home even though I spend a majority of my time in the UK? For all intents and purposes, London is my home now and I love it. However, I am a Filipino first, and I know sometimes I forget. I think and speak in English most of the time; I write my Facebook statuses and blogs in English; I read English books, I listen to English music. Its so easy for me to forget where I come from, to shed those aspects of myself that make me Filipino.

To be honest, I think I made that conscious decision 5 years ago when I arrived in London. I decided that I would immerse myself in the culture of this country because I want to experience life here to the fullest. I don’t want to just be over here working 12-hour shifts to make enough money to send over to the Philippines. No, I decided that I would take advantage of this opportunity and become, well, British. I tried to embrace every aspect of its culture, though I’ve yet to see the point of constantly drinking tea or this love of football (basketball, baby!).

It also didn’t help that my first encounter with Filipinos working overseas was with my old landlady, who is a walking, talking model of every negative stereotype Filipinos have ever been accused of: ambitious, money-grubbing, slave to trends and designer brands, possessing a “crabs in a box” mentality, love of “tsismis” (gossip) especially about fellow Filipinos, having nothing to say about art or culture…the list goes on. I have to admit that when I first got here, I sought to be the opposite of all that, to show everyone I meet in this country that there are Filipinos who are cultured and educated and can hold their own in a conversation. There are Filipinos who are willing to try new things, to travel and to explore. There are Filipinos who don’t see every man as a potential sponsor for a fiancee visa (I was once asked out on a date where the first question the guy asked me was ‘so what visa are you on?’. Like hello, I don’t need you and your British passport. I can work my way to my own, thanks).

I didn’t realise until this moment just how separated I’ve become from everything that makes me Filipino. I feel like I’ve lost my love for my home country, and though I will be the first to rant that there is so much about the Philippines that I detest, there is also so much to love and be proud of. I guess today’s theme is a reminder for me to be a little more in touch with my roots, to never forget where I came from because its going to make an impact on where I’m going. And if there’s one aspect where I remain proudly Filipino, its my love for classic original pilipino music (opm).  So I thought I’d share some of my favourite tunes in the hopes that after this post, I will be just a little bit more proud of being Filipino.

Halaga – Parokya Ni Edgar

 

“Sa libu-libong pagkakataon na tayoy nag-kasama, iilang ulit palang kitang makitang masaya. Naiinis akong isipin na ginaganyan ka nya, siguro ay hindi niya lang alam ang iyong tunay na halaga.”

  • This guy’s basically singing to a girl he’s in love with who’s got a boyfriend that doesn’t treat her right. Loosely translated, the lyrics are saying he’s never seen her happy with the guy and he hates the thought of him taking her for granted and not seeing her true worth. Literally, Halaga in Filipino means worth or value

 

Narda – Kamikazee

“Narda” is the alter ego of the Philippines’ version of Wonder Woman, called Darna. marsravelosdarna2

When she’s in her human disguise, she’s called “Narda”. She swallows some kind of stone and shouts “Darna” if she wants to transform. Its a little bit silly, I know. But its a huge part of the Filipino culture. I can’t think of any Filipino over the age of 25 who doesn’t know who Darna is, or who hasn’t made a Darna joke. Anyway, she fights bad guys, she’s super fast and super strong and she flies. This group, Kamikazee, decided to write a song about how hopeless it is to fall in love with someone like that who is so obviously (and literally) out of their reach.

 

“Awit na nananawagan (a song that’s calling out)
Baka skating napakikinggan (hoping maybe she’ll hear it)
Pag ibig na palaisipan (a love he can’t make heads or tails of)
Sa kanta na lang idaraan…(so he’ll just write a song about it instead)

Nag-aabang sa langit (Looking at the heavens)
Sa mga ulap sumisilip..(peeking through the clouds)
Sa likod ng mga tala..(or behind the stars)
Kahit sulyap lang Darna.” ( for even just one glimpse of Darna)

Ugh, the whole song is such a great metaphor for the hopelessness of unrequited love. I love it.

Harana – Parokya Ni Edgar

Harana in Filipino literally means Serenade. Its an old-fashioned practice during the “courtship” stage for a guy to gather a group of his friends so that he can serenade the girl he likes (usually at night and usually with the girls’ father giving him the death stare. Honestly, how can the poor guy be expected to carry a tune?!).

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photo taken from https://uk.pinterest.com/pin/551972498049666343/

Anyway, I guess in this era of Tinder and Match.com this practice is terribly OUT of fashion, and I for one think that’s a shame. I mean, I can see where this would be incredibly embarrassing, but part of me thinks its also incredibly romantic.

Parokya Ni Edgar is one of my favourite OPM bands, and their songs will probably feature in any OPM list I make. But Harana holds a special place in my heart because my high school crush sang it once and allowed me the illusion that he was singing it just for me (spoiler alert: he wasn’t!)

 

 

Pare Ko – Eraserheads

“Pare” (pa-reh) means, like, bro or brother or something. As this, and the next song, will illustrate, The Eraserheads are amazing storytellers and they really have a gift for writing songs in a clever way. In this song, the singer is telling his romantic woes to his “pare” and asking him to have patience and understanding because he knows he knows he’s bound to say things that are sappy and corny. So the singer tells his “pare” about a college girl he’s in love with who led him on and has now broken his heart.

Part of the reason why I love this song is because girls think they have a claim on the whole pouring-their-hearts-out-to-their-friends thing but actually, guys talk about their problems too. They just do it in a different way and usually with a lot more alcohol and swearing involved. This song is just such an accurate representation of the kind of conversation a guy would have with his friend, where he’s desperate for advice but trying so hard to still appear cool and collected. Although most of the song talks about the girl, because of the way the E-heads have written it, it actually becomes a celebration of male friendships instead.

Also? The song lyrics contain actual swearing! :p

“O, diyos ko, ano ba naman ito? (Oh my God, what is this?)
Di ba, ‘tang ina, (Son of a bitch)
Nagmukha akong tanga, (I looked like a fool)
Pinaasa niya lang aso, (She only led me on)
Lecheng pag-ibig toh…” (Damn this love)

Ang Huling El Bimbo – Eraserheads

Ah, now this is an epic song. Its really such a shame that I can’t translate the lyrics because it tells a story that is so quintessentially Filipino. To sum up, this boy once had after-school dance classes with this girl during which she would teach him the El Bimbo; in the process she also taught him about the power of true love. He never had the courage to tell her how he felt though, so they moved on and years pass. The girl becomes some kind of mistress and has a baby out of wedlock. Forced by desperation to take some kind of menial job washing plates or something, she was run over by a car walking home one night. So the guy laments that he can only hold her and dance with her in his dreams now. I’m probably not doing such a good job of translating this song, and maybe you have to be Filipino to understand the impact of this song. But the Eraserheads were probably like the Coldplay of OPM. They made listening to OPM cool.

To me, this song will always be associated with the guys in my class playing guitar one day during free period and everyone just spontaneously joined in because we all knew the words. This was probably a couple of months before high school graduation, and we all knew that we would never be together in quite the same way ever again. An era was ending and we didn’t know what the future held in store for us. Would we all make it? Would we all reach our dreams? In that moment, singing El Bimbo, we forgot about our worries for the future and just got lost in our love for music, for this song.

Cheers, blabbaholics.

 

Posted in london, Music, Stress Relief

I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier….my top 10 favourite Killers songs.

I opened the mail a couple of days ago and found my concert tickets for the Barclaycard British Summer Time concert at Hyde Park on the 8th of July, headlined by my favourite band in the world, The Killers!!!

Ok, so I’m a little late hitching my star to this particular bandwagon (maybe a decade late, in fact), and some may argue that The Killers reached their peak with Sam’s Town and that no song they’ve ever released has ever come close to the gloriousness of Mr. Brightside.

I SOOOOOOOO BEG TO DISAGREE.

Of course, I’ve heard of Mr. Brightside, I mean what self-respecting nearly-30, One-Tree-Hill-and-The-OC-watching female didn’t? It was the soundtrack to a lot of angsty YA TV series back in the days when Chad Michael Murray was a big deal. However, it was only when I moved to the UK that my love for The Killers was cemented. One of my favourite surgeons has the entire Killers back catalog on his iPod and would often play them while operating. Its how we celebrate finishing a heavy and tiring Thursday list.  When I really listened to the lyrics of ‘Read My Mind’, I loved it so much I played it on repeat one Sunday, much to my flatmates’ annoyance. Needless to say, they now know how to sing the song’s very catchy chorus.

So in celebration of the upcoming Killers concert, I’ve decided to do a list of my top 10 favourite Killers songs ever. Most of the songs on this list won’t come as a surprise to any fan, but I’ve always loved reading about why fellow music lovers enjoy particular songs because we all love them for different reasons. So…enjoy, fellow victims!

(***disclaimer: major fan-girling ahead!)

10. Just Another Girl

This one is a lesser known track from their Direct Hits album. My sister actually introduced me to it when she was learning their songs so that she’d be able to sing along during the concert. At the time, I thought I already knew all of their songs but apparently I missed this one. There’s nothing special about it, I just really like the beat. And the video featuring Diana Agron.

Favourite line: “All of my friends say I should move on, she’s just another girl: don’t let it stick into your heart so hard.”

 

9. Spaceman

My friend from college, Cyril, introduced me to this one. I still remember singing along to this when we were revising for the Philippine National Licensure Exam, affectionately (or not so affectionately) called the Boards. At a time when I was so nervous of failing one of THE biggest exams of my life, this helped relaxed me and I’ve associated it with good memories ever since.

I don’t really get the lyrics. But its catchy and amazing in a weird kind of way.

 

8. Somebody Told Me

“Somebody told me that you’ve got a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend that I had in February of last year…”

I’ve listened to this song a million times and I still don’t understand if Brandon was implying the boyfriend was feminine looking, or if the girl he currently fancies in a relationship with his ex-girlfriend. Either way, its one of the catchiest lyrics I’ve ever hear in my life.

 

7. Smile Like You Mean It

I just love the strings on this one. And because of this live performance; the violins make me want to weep.

 

6. A Dustland Fairytale

“…and the decades disappear like sinking ships but we persevere. God gives us hope but we still fear what we don’t know.”

 

5. This Is Your Life

“…the sky is full of dreams, but you don’t know how to fly. I don’t have a simple answer, but I know that I can answer: something better. Wait for it.”

So whenever I feel like settling for the mediocre in any and all aspects of my life, I listen to this song and I’m reminded that there is wisdom in waiting. 🙂 And also, I am in love with the crowd in this performance:

 

4. Human

“..and sometimes I get nervous when I see an open door. Close your eyes, clear your heart. Cut the cord.”

Ah, one of life’s deepest questions: Are we human or are we indeed dancer? On the 8th of July, I most definitely AM dancer.

And really, I can’t decide whether I love the upbeat version or this really solemn piano version. In fact, I refuse to choose! I love them both.

 

3. All These Things That I’ve Done

The lyrics are weird, they may not even make sense, but damn if this isn’t one of the best songs ever written. Sing with me everybody: I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier….

 

2. Mr. Brightside

To illustrate just how big this song is, ladies and gentlemen, I present: The Memes. 

I defy anyone to listen to this song and NOT sing along. At the work christmas party last year, my feet were literally dead and I’ve already had far too much wine that I was sat in my chair with my legs propped on another chair. Then this song came on and I was like, bitch let’s go. :p

 

and the winner…

 

Read My Mind

There are no words for how much I love this song. When I’m in a bad mood, I listen to, write about and post this song on social media. There is something about these lines that really speak to me:

“So I don’t mind if you don’t mind, cause I don’t shine if you don’t shine…”

Seriously, the entire song has lines that are instagram-caption-worthy. I love love love this song. If they don’t play it on the 8th of July, I will DEMAND  a refund. Thankfully, I know for a fact that its always on their setlist. 🙂

Brandon Flowers says this is his favourite song, and that its special, and that they can feel it overtime they play it on gigs. I know exactly what he’s talking about.

 

And of course, a very special shout-out to my song.

Sam’s Town – this transcends list. Like this song cannot be placed on any list because it. is. amazing. 🙂

Posted in Music, relationships

Playlist for the brokenhearted – or songs I play when I just want to feel the feels ;)

London weather often lends itself to emotional reflection. So I decided to make this playlist on Spotify as a soundtrack to when I just want to emote. Let me just say that I have not had reason to be heartbroken in a while, but that’s probably because I’ve decided to have a heart break and just stop trying for a while. I have been able to relate to most if not all of these songs at one point or the other in my life, but I’ve mostly gotten over it.

So here’s my playlist, aptly titled ‘Hurt’ with a sad face emoji.

I love most of the songs on this playlist. And I think its just got a good mix in there, from the first stage of broken heart when everything just hurts so much that you can’t imagine  ever getting past it, to the time when you’re mostly ok and ready to go back among the living again. Let me just say though, and I speak from experience, that the decision to ultimately live your life again will only come from you. You take as much time as you like to process your feelings, do not allow anyone to rush you. However, don’t take too long wallowing in the past and things that can never be that you forget to enjoy the promise of tomorrow, and the hope of what else is still to come to your life.

Here’s my personal favourites from this playlist, with the lyrics that have really resonated with me when I was struggling with my own broken heart. 😉

Gravity – Sara Bareilles

“…I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you’re everything I think I need here on the ground. But you’re neither friend nor foe, though I can’t seem to let you go. The one thing that I still know is you’re keeping me down.”

Oh Sara, sometimes you just have to know when to let go when you love someone so much that you start to lose yourself.

Baby Don’t You Break My Heart Slow – Vonda Shepard

“I’d rather you be mean than love and lie. I’d rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye. I’d rather take the blow, at least then I would know. But baby, don’t you break my heart slow.”

I think there’s nothing worse than being in a limbo of uncertainty. If its over, I’d rather just know.

Boys Don’t Cry – Plumb

“I used to hold your hand, so tight there was no question. But now even when you’re near, I’ve never felt so alone.”

Ah, that feeling of desperation when you just know something’s wrong but don’t have the courage to ask or know for certain.

Congratulations – Blue October

“I came to see the light in my best friend, you seem as happy as you’ve ever been. My chance of being open is broken and now you’re Mrs. Him. My words they don’t come out right but I’m trying to say I’m happy for you. I think I’ll take that drive, I wanted to give you something I’ve been wanting to give to you for years: my heart”

When I first heard this song, I think I was 21 at the time and still getting over the fact that my best friend (whom I’ve been in love with for the better part of 5 years) is with another girl. I think I nearly died from heartache (insert eyeroll here). I’ve mostly gotten over it. But I’ve also promised myself I will never fall for a friend ever again, its just a special kind of hell. Shout out to Stephenie Myers for recommending this song when she posted her Twilight reading playlist.

Keep Breathing – Ingrid Michaelson

“I want to change the world instead I sleep. I want to believe in more than you and me. But all that I know is I’m breathing, all I can do is keep breathing, all we can do is keep breathing now.”

Yep, this is the first phase. That curling up in bed, crying your heart out and ignoring the world phase when even breathing seems to take up all your energy. This one was famously played on the Grey’s Anatomy Season 2 Finale and its still one of the most epic scenes I’ve ever seen on telly.

Gale Song – The Lumineers

“…and all this too shall pass, this loneliness won’t last”

It will pass, hang in there.

Not As We – Alanis Morissette

“Day one, day one: start over again. Step one, step one: I’m barely making sense. For now I’m faking it till I’m pseudo making it. From scratch begin again, but this time as I and not as We.”

Whenever I feel like I’m finally ready to move on from whatever heartbreak I’m going through at the time, this is the first song I listen to. I think its just got such beautiful lyrics and everyone can relate to it. Anyone who tells you that its easy to get over someone is lying. Sometimes you’re only pretending to live your life again, but that’s ok. Eventually, you’ll stop pretending and start living again. Until then, fake it until you make it.

I Got You – Leona Lewis

“Coz this is love and life and nothing we can both control. And if it don’t feel right, you’re not losing me by letting me know.”

“Go ahead and say goodbye, I’ll be alright. Go ahead and make me cry, I’ll be alright. And when you need a place to run to, for better or worse I got you.”

This. This is the way to break up or get over someone who hurt you. Really, most of the time no one sets out to intentionally hurt another person, it just happens. We want what we want, we love who we love. We can’t force ourselves or other people to feel something that’s not there. I came to the conclusion, even as I was wallowing in sadness, that I value my friendship with the guy far too much to lose it over something neither of us could have controlled. So to you, you know who you are, despite everything, I got your back.

I’ll Be Okay – Amanda Marshall

“I’ll always have the memories, she’ll always have you. Fate has a way of changing, just when you don’t want it to.”

“You can’t hold on forever baby. I’ll be okay.”

And you will be. Stay strong. Have a glass of prosecco, hang out with your friends, take up a hobby. You are bigger than your heartache, you’ll be okay.