Category: Stress Relief

Posted in Health and Well-Being, Self-Discovery, Stress Relief

Hope Still Springs Eternal

Posted on by Miss Blabbaholic

I know myself enough by now to recognise when I’m starting to spiral, when I’ve given so much of myself to sorting out everyone else’s problems that I’m practically an empty tank, still going for miles and miles but running mostly on fumes and a stubborn determination to not let the world get the best of me.

But sometimes it does.

And there’s no shame in it. There’s no shame in admitting that you’re not able to solve all of the world’s problems because a) you’re not supposed to and b) its probably healthier to admit defeat than to burn out completely.

Look, I get it. Life is hard. We do what we need to do to survive, and sometimes its harder for those of us who have chosen positions of leadership or power because it comes with an obligation to find solutions. And also, somehow that minute difference in pay grades puts a target on your back, and people think they have the right to come at you for every single thing.

You work 37.5 hours a day with this delusional mindset of world-saving that sometimes you forget that you are more than your job. You are not this stiff-upper-lip, uber-serious, managerial person who goes around with to-do-lists and QR codes and who spends what feels like their entire existence either looking at or analysing spreadsheets.

You’re also a reader, a writer, a dreamer, a hopeless romantic who cries over love stories, someone who doesn’t know East from West when trying to sort out directions on Google maps, and you’re someone who, even at 35, doesn’t quite have their shit together and probably never will. You will always be a bit of a mess.

I needed today to feel human again.

To feel like myself again. To not feel hopeless, like you’re only putting out fires long enough to get to the next safe space, so you can have at least 30 minutes of respite and breathing room, before the flames once again start battering through those fire doors.

There are days when I find it a little difficult just to find space to breathe.

There are days when I feel like I’m going through the motions, when I start feeling worn down by the sheer number of things I can’t fix, so I resign myself to just getting through the day, and its not really fulfilling. I don’t really feel like I’m making a difference. Sometimes I think by trying to make things better for someone, I end up making things worse for someone else.

I think this was the feeling that made me reach out to my old alma mater, practically begging for an opportunity to teach undergraduate nurses again even if I have to do it for free.

At the time, I was barely coping. I was seeing a therapist maybe twice a week for anxiety and excessive worry and I found myself writing and deleting a resignation letter every five minutes. I think working out with F45 was the only thing that got me through the day and even that wasn’t enough.

I needed the distraction, but more than that, I needed to remember what it felt like to make an impact, to make a difference.

Thankfully the Philippines will always be in need of nurses and Clinical Instructors, so with slight trepidation I agreed to take on a full Medical-Surgical Nursing course load.

For the past 5 weeks I’ve been using what little spare time I have in between a full time job and my extra curricular activities making notes and PowerPoint presentations and pre-recording lectures. I’ve been getting up at 3:30 am to have interactive sessions to discuss case studies, making questions for pre-tests and post-tests and long exams, answering multiple queries from students an entire continent away….and I’ve never felt happier.

I’ve forgotten how natural a fit being a teacher is for me, how at ease I am doing it, how much joy I derive from watching that light bulb moment reflected in another person’s eyes.

We find so few pockets of joy these days that I think we should hold on to the things that give us the same feeling as we did when we first discovered the taste of chocolate ice cream, or when we first heard our favourite song, or took our first steps in the city of our dreams.

I’ve forgotten how good it is to feel like you still have the rest of your life ahead of you, that you can still do some good, rather than feel like you’re failing all of the time.

So than you, Velez College, for the gift of my education, and for being my refuge against hopelessness, even after all these years.

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Posted in Health and Well-Being, Lifestyle, london, Self-Discovery, Stress Relief

Learning Mandarin: A Journey of Language and Learning and Finding Myself

Posted on by Miss Blabbaholic

Part 1: Self-Image: 我是张丽安. My name is Angela.

I learned how to read and write my name in Chinese 张丽安 (zhāng lì ān) even before I learned how to write it in English.

The very first sentence I ever learned in any language is 我是中国人. 

This literally translates to I (我 wǒ) + am (是 shì) + China (中国 zhōng guó) + person (人 rén).

I find it somewhat ironic that pretty much as soon as I learned to speak I was using Chinese to reaffirm my identity as Chinese, even though I am technically Filipino (菲利宾人) and these days I mostly read, speak and process thoughts in English.

Chinese is the story of my childhood, it’s as much a part of my history as the scars on my legs (because I used to attract mosquitoes like honey to the bees), the lumps on my fingers (from a lifetime of gripping my pens too hard) and my craving for sweets whenever I’m stressed. 

I have a very complicated relationship with Chinese – the language, the culture, and that part of me that is undeniably 中国人. I can’t help but associate it with the feeling of being boxed in, with that constant pressure to conform to certain societal and cultural standards. 

As I saw it, to be Chinese (and to be Filipino on top of that) required adherance to long-standing traditions: the subservient role of the woman, the obligation to prioritise managing a home over having a career, and the expectation that certain milestones – like marriage and giving birth – has to occur by a certain age. Anyone who knows me can see why this would chafe. 

I went through a period of my life where I was determined to make everyone, including myself, forget that I was Filipino-Chinese. I’m not really sure if this was a conscious decision, if it was a direct result of me wanting to rebel against expectations, or if there were other mental calisthenics involved.

But for the first few years of my life in London I was on a mission to be more British than even the British. More European than the Europeans. The most Westernised non-Westerner you will ever meet. Anything apart from Asian.  

I embraced all the opportunities and freedom that my adoptive home had to offer, wide-eyed and dreamy, like Rapunzel stepping out of the tower for the first time. I tried my hardest to make friends with non-Asians, to be invited to Friday nights at the local pub, to learn to love Sunday roasts, and to go to house parties where no one served adobo.

I tried to enrich my mind with the right kind of books and television shows so that I can be conversant in the sort of topics that my non-Asian colleagues talk about, to like art and history, and pretend to know the rules of rugby (I really DON’T) – all whilst revelling, with embarrassing superiority, in my “excellent” grasp of the English language (spoken with an American accent of course, but some things can’t be helped).

But I guess once you reach a certain age, you suddenly realise how exhausting it is to wake up every morning feeling like you always have something to prove, and to constantly have to put on a mask that hurts your face because the dimensions don’t fit.  You get to a point where you realise that you have the right to breathe, and to just be, same as everybody else.  

So, you take what feels like the first gulp of air after years of drowning, and then you begin the long process of taking a long hard look at and reconciling all the parts that make you uniquely you. 

It feels a little awkward and scary at first, like putting a t-shirt on for the first time after a long hard winter of wearing jumpers. It feels like you have to have some kind of jacket, some kind armour, because you don’t know if you can bear to be so exposed. But then you walk out the door and you realise your skin is made of much tougher stuff than you thought it was.

There’s a tiny spring in your step that gets bigger the further you go, when you suddenly realise that you’re going to be okay. 

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Posted in fitness, Health and Well-Being, Lifestyle, Stress Relief, Travel

More Life Lessons From Hiking

Posted on by Miss Blabbaholic

I always get a little pensive and philosophical after a long, vigorous hike.

Oh, who am I kidding. I get pensive and philosophical after doing something as mundane and trivial as taking a shower. I am, always have been, and always will be the perennial navel-gazer. You guys are just going to have to learn to live with it.

But I did find myself on a spontaneous hike along the Peak District yesterday with three of my closest friends. This has been a dream of mine ever since I first saw Kiera Knightley standing on the edge of some rock, skirts dramatically blowing in the wind even as her hair stays Hollywood-perfect, a thoughtful look on her face as she reflected on the massive, gargantuan stupidity of having inexplicably rejected the gorgeous Fitzwilliam Darcy.

There weren’t any handsome millionaires to be seen anywhere near the Peak yesterday, or if there were they must have been hiding their presence under a rock because I certainly didn’t see them. Or maybe I was just too busy making sure I don’t fall and hurt myself as I climbed up the steep path to Stanage Edge.

It’s funny, I’m always the first to push to go on these hikes, yet I know for a fact that I am the least fit person amongst my circle of friends and I will also be the first to whinge about what a stupid idea the whole thing is in the first place as I huff and puff and make my way through the planned route.

But the views, the fresh air, and the sheer exhilaration of being out in nature (and having beaten that constant voice in my head telling me I couldn’t do it), sure makes it worth all the effort.

Hiking provides one with a lot of opportunity to think and reflect, something I haven’t done a lot lately but have promised myself to try and do at least once a week. You really do get a lot of life lessons from hiking and I’m going to try and put some of those into words and record them here for posterity, in the hopes that if ever I need reminding, or if anyone else needs a similar reminder, they will be here for me and the world to see.

Firstly, there is no substitute for investing in things that will make your hike (or your life) easier in the long run. Stretchy pants and waterproof jackets might not make up the prettiest outfit for an Instagram-worthy photo, and hiking shoes may look fugly as hell, but boy will you be glad for them when you’re scrambling up rocks or walking down muddy terrains.

Make sure you’re on stable ground before you take the next big step, or before you take the next leap on your climb up to the top. If you’re not careful, the path could so easily crumble from beneath you. And remember, shiny surfaces can be deceiving as hell.

Sometimes the journey can seem like a relentless uphill battle, and you’ll want to quit, turn around and just go back. But you have to just keep moving forward. Huff, puff, whinge, and bitch all you want, but don’t stop moving. Because there’s always an end to the struggle; one way or another the path always evens out.

That being said, there is no shame in admitting that you’re struggling to breathe and that you need to pause for a break. You don’t always have to keep pace with others, you only need to keep pace with yourself.

Don’t be too busy watching your every step that you forget to look up and soak in the beauty of what the hike (and life in general) has to offer. It would be a shame if all you did was get from point A to point B, and you missed out on all the beauty in between.

Take lots of photos. Some day, everything and everyone will be gone and you’ll long for every single thing that would remind you of the good times (and maybe even the bad), and you’ll be hoarding those photographs like a miser with his money. So take the time to take a snap, take a selfie or two or several.

And finally, it always comes down to the people. Having someone who would cheer you on, someone to sing silly songs with as you make The Climb, someone to make jokes with even if the jokes are at your expense, knowing that someone will be there to make sure you don’t fall, or at least knowing that someone will be there to catch you if you do (even if they laugh first and help later)…having GOOD people to take with you on that journey makes all the difference in the world.

Mel. Angelica. Alex. Good people. Maybe even the best people. 🙂

That’s it for now until my next struggle, I mean, hike. Have a good week ahead, everyone!

Posted in bloggers, Nursing, Self-Discovery, Stress Relief

All In A Day’s Work

Posted on by Miss Blabbaholic

The best way to deal with challenging situations is to reflect on them, learn from them, and – in my case – to write about them. So I’m sharing some of the things I’ve learned these past few weeks when work has been difficult, in the hopes that other people out there who – like me – are new to management will know they’re not alone in their experiences.

You cannot please everyone. For every praise you receive, there’s a person waiting in the wings who’s just dying to tell you the many many ways in which you’re screwing things up. I guess the key thing is to learn to compromise, to find the solution that is best for everyone, and to make a decision that you will be able to live with. You are not in the position to care about being liked, the best you can hope for is to be respected.

Friendships at work are a thing of the past. This is something I find incredibly sad, but its the harsh reality that most managers face. They say its lonely at the top, and though I’m not at that level I can only imagine how true that is. Not everyone will be able to accept the fact that you are now their line manager as well as their friend.

Most friendships whose bonds are weak and superficial will not be able to survive professional disagreements, or differences in opinion when it comes to work-related matters.The upshot is that the friendships you do keep, the people who will love and support you even when you give them a notice of improvement for consistently coming to work late, those are the friendships that are worth keeping. Everyone else is not worth losing sleep over.

There will always be people who will try to undermine your position. Whether its colleagues who have mentored you in the past, or people who think you’re too junior or too inexperienced for your role, or simply people who think they can do your job better than you. Standing up to these professional gaslighters is something you’ll have to deal with on a day-to-day basis, and it doesn’t get easier with time.

You will need to dig deep and to really have faith in yourself and your abilities. I’m constantly surrounded by people who back me up when I need it, and seeing the amount of trust they place in me is something that still humbles me every day. But none of that matters if I can’t find the strength to put my foot down, to say ‘no’ when its needed, and to have courage in my convictions. I won’t be able to convince other people that I know what I’m doing until I believe I know what I’m doing.

Human beings are amazingly resilient. We are capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit for. I never anticipated being able to talk to people who intimidate the shit out of me, or to be able to have these difficult conversations with people at a very senior level. I didn’t even believe I’d be able to control my emotions long enough to survive the shifts from hell, as I’ve started to call them in my mind.

But I did. And I have so much more respect for managers everywhere, and for myself. I think for me, its enough to know that I did the best I could, even if I very nearly had a mental breakdown at the end of it. That’s normal; managers who tell you they don’t experience these occasional bouts of hopelessness are lying. We all go through it.

Its okay to break down in pieces when you’ve had a bad day, but what defines you is how you take those pieces and glue them back together so that you come back to work the next day feeling motivated to do better, to be stronger, and to hopefully do some good in the world in the process. So it doesn’t matter if you drowned a whole bottle of prosecco, or stuffed your face with greasy Chinese food because stress eating is the solution to everything.

Do whatever it takes to make you feel human again, and remember, its just one stressful day at work out of many. Just like every bad thing we’ve ever experienced in our lives, it too shall pass.

Posted in relationships, Self-Discovery, Stress Relief

A Letter From Me to Me

Posted on by Miss Blabbaholic

Dear Self,

For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve always been a fast learner. However, there’s one lesson that you’ve wilfully and consistently failed to learn: the lesson that, no matter what you do, you will never be able to please everyone. 

It’s frustrating for me to see how you bend over backwards in an effort to be “universally loved”. IT’S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN. Not because your efforts are lacking, but because that’s just the way the world is made.

Whenever someone comes up with an idea, you can bet your bottom dollar that there will always be one naysayer for every fifty supportive comments. This shouldn’t bring you down or stop you from making similar efforts in the future.

No, what you have to do is to file experiences like these under the heading of Character-Building. Its not good for anyone to think so highly of themselves anyway. We need detractors to keep us humble and to keep us grounded.

We need negative people to inspire us to do even better next time. Success truly is the sweetest revenge; if you can’t change their minds and their opinions about you or about what you’re doing, you can at least prove them wrong when you throw proof of your success in their face. 

The point is, you just have to remember the reasons for why you do the things you do. You’re not doing it to gain praise or for people to like you; you’re not looking for appreciation or any sort of reward.

No, you do the things you do because you genuinely believe in them. And that kind of conviction is a strength to be cultivated; it is what will make you go far in life despite people trying to drag you down.

There are more people who appreciate you than you know. They may not always say it explicitly but they are there to support you, your ideas and the essence of who you are. Those are the people worth listening to.

Actually, if I could have one wish for you, it would be this: that you’d have a better ability of filtering people’s comments so that you only give credence to the opinions of people who are worthy of your respect.

Don’t ever let anyone dull your sparkle. I know its difficult to stay enthusiastic and engaged when you’ve been disappointed by people so many times before, but if you lose sight of who you are (and if you become negative as a response to the negativity being thrown at you), you’re letting them win.

DON’T LET THEM WIN.

So yeah, you can’t please everybody. And nor should you try to. You are not obligated to set yourself on fire just to keep somebody else warm. Do not take to heart comments that are so far beneath you that they’ll need a shovel to dig them out.

Have a little cry about it, its a natural response to people hurting your feelings. But pick yourself up and remember the eternally wise words of one Taylor Alison Swift:

Don’t you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine

Chin up anj, everything always looks better after a good night’s sleep. If not, well, that’s what chocolate is for.

Love,

The More Rational Side of You

 

Posted in Health and Well-Being, Stress Relief

A reminder to BREATHE

Posted on by Miss Blabbaholic

These past two months have been incredibly weird for me. I’ve felt myself getting pulled into so many directions. I want to do so many things and I have the opportunity to do so many things but I can’t seem to committ to one. I have finally come to the conclusion that I don’t really know what I want and the only thing I should do until I figure that out is BREATHE.

Earlier I was working with a female surgeon and a female anaesthetist and they were talking about letting go and seceding control. As someone who has always been solidly Type A, the concept of not being in control is entirely foreign to me. I cannot imagine not having a plan for my life. But as my anaesthetist said, suffering equals pain times resistance and the more you try to control things the more frustrated you get when things inevitably don’t always go your way.

I honestly feel that in constantly thinking about the things I’ve yet to achieve, I’ve lost sight of the things that I HAVE achieved. I think I’m starting to see that its not always about getting to the next step. I am constantly at war with the part of me that’s ambitious and wants to get things done NOW. I need to nurture the part of me that just wants to live and be happy and content. 

My friend recently posted a quote that said ‘Gratitude turns what we have into ENOUGH’. I think I really need this weekend to refocus on the things that really matter. Like my health, and my family and my true friends. I’ve been thinking it over and I think I try to be so many things to so many people that I’ve lost sight of who I am when its just me. 

I think I just need a long holiday really. Get away from it all and recharge. I’m looking forward to going home and seeing my parents in January. It’ll give me a chance to think, regroup and plan for the future when I’m not doing the daily grind of living in London.

Thank goodness I have blogging to keep me sane. 

Posted in london, Music, Stress Relief

I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier….my top 10 favourite Killers songs.

Posted on by Miss Blabbaholic

I opened the mail a couple of days ago and found my concert tickets for the Barclaycard British Summer Time concert at Hyde Park on the 8th of July, headlined by my favourite band in the world, The Killers!!!

Ok, so I’m a little late hitching my star to this particular bandwagon (maybe a decade late, in fact), and some may argue that The Killers reached their peak with Sam’s Town and that no song they’ve ever released has ever come close to the gloriousness of Mr. Brightside.

I SOOOOOOOO BEG TO DISAGREE.

Of course, I’ve heard of Mr. Brightside, I mean what self-respecting nearly-30, One-Tree-Hill-and-The-OC-watching female didn’t? It was the soundtrack to a lot of angsty YA TV series back in the days when Chad Michael Murray was a big deal. However, it was only when I moved to the UK that my love for The Killers was cemented. One of my favourite surgeons has the entire Killers back catalog on his iPod and would often play them while operating. Its how we celebrate finishing a heavy and tiring Thursday list.  When I really listened to the lyrics of ‘Read My Mind’, I loved it so much I played it on repeat one Sunday, much to my flatmates’ annoyance. Needless to say, they now know how to sing the song’s very catchy chorus.

So in celebration of the upcoming Killers concert, I’ve decided to do a list of my top 10 favourite Killers songs ever. Most of the songs on this list won’t come as a surprise to any fan, but I’ve always loved reading about why fellow music lovers enjoy particular songs because we all love them for different reasons. So…enjoy, fellow victims!

(***disclaimer: major fan-girling ahead!)

10. Just Another Girl

This one is a lesser known track from their Direct Hits album. My sister actually introduced me to it when she was learning their songs so that she’d be able to sing along during the concert. At the time, I thought I already knew all of their songs but apparently I missed this one. There’s nothing special about it, I just really like the beat. And the video featuring Diana Agron.

Favourite line: “All of my friends say I should move on, she’s just another girl: don’t let it stick into your heart so hard.”

 

9. Spaceman

My friend from college, Cyril, introduced me to this one. I still remember singing along to this when we were revising for the Philippine National Licensure Exam, affectionately (or not so affectionately) called the Boards. At a time when I was so nervous of failing one of THE biggest exams of my life, this helped relaxed me and I’ve associated it with good memories ever since.

I don’t really get the lyrics. But its catchy and amazing in a weird kind of way.

 

8. Somebody Told Me

“Somebody told me that you’ve got a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend that I had in February of last year…”

I’ve listened to this song a million times and I still don’t understand if Brandon was implying the boyfriend was feminine looking, or if the girl he currently fancies in a relationship with his ex-girlfriend. Either way, its one of the catchiest lyrics I’ve ever hear in my life.

 

7. Smile Like You Mean It

I just love the strings on this one. And because of this live performance; the violins make me want to weep.

 

6. A Dustland Fairytale

“…and the decades disappear like sinking ships but we persevere. God gives us hope but we still fear what we don’t know.”

 

5. This Is Your Life

“…the sky is full of dreams, but you don’t know how to fly. I don’t have a simple answer, but I know that I can answer: something better. Wait for it.”

So whenever I feel like settling for the mediocre in any and all aspects of my life, I listen to this song and I’m reminded that there is wisdom in waiting. 🙂 And also, I am in love with the crowd in this performance:

 

4. Human

“..and sometimes I get nervous when I see an open door. Close your eyes, clear your heart. Cut the cord.”

Ah, one of life’s deepest questions: Are we human or are we indeed dancer? On the 8th of July, I most definitely AM dancer.

And really, I can’t decide whether I love the upbeat version or this really solemn piano version. In fact, I refuse to choose! I love them both.

 

3. All These Things That I’ve Done

The lyrics are weird, they may not even make sense, but damn if this isn’t one of the best songs ever written. Sing with me everybody: I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier….

 

2. Mr. Brightside

To illustrate just how big this song is, ladies and gentlemen, I present: The Memes. 

I defy anyone to listen to this song and NOT sing along. At the work christmas party last year, my feet were literally dead and I’ve already had far too much wine that I was sat in my chair with my legs propped on another chair. Then this song came on and I was like, bitch let’s go. :p

 

and the winner…

 

Read My Mind

There are no words for how much I love this song. When I’m in a bad mood, I listen to, write about and post this song on social media. There is something about these lines that really speak to me:

“So I don’t mind if you don’t mind, cause I don’t shine if you don’t shine…”

Seriously, the entire song has lines that are instagram-caption-worthy. I love love love this song. If they don’t play it on the 8th of July, I will DEMAND  a refund. Thankfully, I know for a fact that its always on their setlist. 🙂

Brandon Flowers says this is his favourite song, and that its special, and that they can feel it overtime they play it on gigs. I know exactly what he’s talking about.

 

And of course, a very special shout-out to my song.

Sam’s Town – this transcends list. Like this song cannot be placed on any list because it. is. amazing. 🙂

Posted in Feminism, fitness, Lifestyle, london, Stress Relief

This Girl Can

Posted on by Miss Blabbaholic

After work today, I went to my muay thai training session at London Fight Factory. I’ve been going to that gym on and off for about 3 years now. At one point when I was experiencing probably the lowest point of my life, I think it probably saved me from giving up or going insane. My friend Aaron first introduced me to it. At the time, I was significantly less confident about my physical abilities. I thought I’d better stick to what I knew best (Zumba) and save myself the embarassment. But he was so passionate about it that I decided to give it a go. And while I may not have been as consistent about it as I would have liked, it has remained one of the most enduring parts of my fitness routine.

It just makes me think about how quick we are to judge ourselves and say ‘I could never do that’. When did we develop this mindset that there are things beyond our reach? When we were kids, we used to be dreamers. We used to believe in magic and in the impossible. More importantly, we used to believe in ourselves. I sometimes envy the innocence (and blissful ignorance) of children. They haven’t yet learned to put themselves in a box nor to place limitations in their abilities. They still believe they can be the next prime minister or president, or be an actress, a ballerina or martial arts fighter. Check out these kids doing warm up for a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu training today at LFF. IMG_5476

This stopped me in my tracks first of all because it was so darn cute, but also because it just inspired me. I mean, not all of these kids will be fighters. Some of them are probably going to be awkward executing all those moves. But they will always remember the fact that they tried, and they had fun with it. I will think about this the next time I need inspiration. Because you know what? The fact that I’m out there and trying already makes me better than half the population who are spending the afternoon watching the telly.

 

There were a lot of adverts on the tube and other places a couple of years ago celebrating the active woman called This Girl Can, and it really stuck with me. This one in particular:

TGClap

Sometimes I forget that the only limitations I have are the ones I place on myself. If I want something and I work hard enough for it, there is nothing I can’t achieve. This girl can. And if I can’t just yet, I will never stop trying.

So here’s my own rough muay thai training session. Cheers, blabbaholics. x

Posted in Careers, Lifestyle, Stress Relief

10 Ways to Avoid Work-related Stress

Posted on by Miss Blabbaholic

Ordinarily, after a long and tiring day at work I would go home, feel frustrated and maybe post some deliberately vague status on Facebook about not letting the world get me down or shaking it off or something equally cliche. Now, I want to channel all that into a positive mental activity by making a list about how I can avoid work-related stress. I’ll post it on my blog so that I can remind myself of it the next time I have days like these and maybe help others out when they too have need of such a list. So, here’s some of the things that I compiled in my head as I was walking (tired and hungry, I might add) home from work:

 

 

A place for everything and everything in it’s place

I tend to dwell on things that have frustrated me throughout the day.  I have to learn to JUST. BLOODY. LET. GO. Yes, I can air out my frustrations, but I shouldn’t really be bringing  them home with me. Leave work at work. Furthermore, I need to remember that every day is a chance for a brand new start, a chance to change things if I really feel like there’s something that needs to be improved. I shouldn’t go on and on and on about something that happened last week; that way lies madness, and its very unproductive. Like I always say, if people were more proactive and less reactive, we would have more doers than whiners.

Have some perspective

I always thought that if we walked a mile in one another’s shoes we would be rushing to go back to our own. It’s easy to be caught up in another person’s weakness, or complain about someone not doing his or her job, or maybe complain that someone on the top of the food chain has forgotten what it’s like to be on the bottom. HOWEVER. I am of the opinion that we all could be a little more understanding of one another. Colleagues especially should learn that just because someone isn’t doing something the way you would do doesn’t mean they’re not trying their best. We should also remember that other people are facing pressures that we know nothing about. Managers don’t always know what its like to be on the shop floor working your ass off, whereas people on the shop floor don’t always know the sometimes near-desperate measures that managers have to resort to to keep things afloat. So have some perspective and put yourself in the other person’s place before you react.

Do not speak up when you’re angry

This is something my boss taught me. If the situation has escalated to a point where you are too involved and too emotional, chances are you will say things you might later regret. So if you’re feeling particularly upset (and the situation isn’t an emergency or something) walk away and come back when you’re calmer. You’ll find that you’ve gained just a little bit more clarity and perspective in the 5 minutes that you took to cool off. If you speak everything that’s on your mind in the heat of the moment, you’ll probably get instant satisfaction, but at the expense of your relationship with the other people involved in the scenario, and that will just lead to more stress. However, if you do speak up…

Stand your ground

I can be something of a pushover. I really should learn to say no, or to stop being such a people-pleaser. If there’s something I believe in, or something I see that I know isn’t right, I should speak up. If I’ve stated my opinion or position about something, I should learn not to waiver at the first sign of dissent, especially if I know I’m right.

Do not take on the problems of the world

Take responsibility only for the things that you are responsible for. I have this tendency to want to solve all the problems at work, and while that’s a noble aspiration its also a naive one. The problems of your workplace are bigger than you, you can only do so much to contribute a solution. At the end of the day, its enough that you’ve done your best. My boss tells me that when things aren’t going right, my default thinking shouldn’t be “what did I do wrong?” or “what did I fail to do?”. Instead, I should make a mental checklist of the things that I DID do, and yeah, maybe other things might have been missed but the important thing is that you tried.

Trust, develop and work with other people

I really dislike working with people who have a superhero complex. It’s like they think they’re the only ones who can save the day. Sometimes they make others look bad just so they can swoop in with a solution and make themselves look good. I think that’s wrong, and I don’t think that reflects very good teamwork. I think that if everyone on the team does well, it reflects on the whole team. tumblr_n08tzinXa41qei2wfo1_500-6907

I also think that if you constantly put yourself in the position of knowing all the answers, you put so much pressure on yourself. Whereas if you take the time to teach and develop other people, not only will you have helped someone else out, you’ve also helped yourself because the next time there’s a problem, there’s someone else you can rely on.

Eat Well

I have to put this on the list simply because I know for a fact that I am not a nice person when I’m hungry, have skipped a meal or have not eaten way past 8pm for dinner. I know people in general tend to not be at their best when their blood sugar is running low, but man, I have had moments when I was really stressed and hungry that I am ashamed of. I have been known to bite my friends’ heads off; I become impatient and maybe just a little unreasonable. So this is really a priority for me.  Having said that, next on this list is…

Find a better way to relieve stress that has nothing to do with food

I am a stress-eater. I am not proud of it, but I am. When I’ve had a particularly stressful day, I order Chinese food and just binge-eat dumplings while watching Netflix. I wanted to cry when my workplace took out KitKat bars from our vending machines because they went on a health kick, because sometimes those KitKat bars are the only standing between me and the loony bin. Anyway, I need to rewire my brain and somehow not connect food with comfort. I am now on a mission to STOP turning to food when I’m stressed.

Music soothes the angry beast

There is no problem at work that can’t be made just a little bit more bearable by Taylor Swift. Or any music really. When I got home today, while waiting for my Japanese takeaway, I logged on to Netflix and watched Pitch Perfect 2 and just sang along to the songs. Go to Spotify and you’ll find plenty of playlist to boost your mood. I myself have a few guilty pleasures playlist that I listen to when I need a quick pick-me-up, it may or may not include MmmBop. :p

Find that work-life balance

This is probably the most important. I went through a phase where I was spending probably 50 hours a week at work and at the end of two such weeks, I felt like I barely knew myself. I had the sudden realisation last week that I’ve let a lot of my hobbies and passions go because I was too caught up with work; I’d stopped trying new things and pushing myself to do something I’ve always been afraid of because I was too busy training the next big thing in orthopaedics (insert eyeroll here). I made a promise to myself long ago to never become the kind of person who is defined only by her work. So that’s why I’ve decided to go back to blogging, to running, to working out and finding other things to be interested in. I am more than a nurse, more than an educator, I am a well-rounded (sometimes literally well-rounded) person with lots of other interests.

What are your suggestions for relieving stress? I’m sure there’s a lot of other ways out there that work for other people and I would love to hear your thoughts. Cheers, blabbaholics!